just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
