The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I didn't notice because vodka
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
