i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
