Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
