Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
