Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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