So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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