I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
