Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
