dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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