It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
