I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
