my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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