I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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