Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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