So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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