Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
