I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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