3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
