Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
