I didn't shave. On purpose
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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