the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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