adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
