Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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