I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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