You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
