like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
