Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
