Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
