I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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