I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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