idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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