My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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