remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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