i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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