I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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