He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
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