I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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