Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had sex on a roof
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
