My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
