Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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