Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
