i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
