You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
