I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
home. puking in laundry basket.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
