just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
sex in a hospital.. check
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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