call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
