Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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