i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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