i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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