You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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