We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
