His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm both gender and math confused
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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