dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
