I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
