Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
now i know why i became what i already was.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
