okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
