textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals