I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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