If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
