i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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