haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
