Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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