oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
