her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
