the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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