honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
