I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Of course I have a pirate flag
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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