Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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