we're blogging at a bar
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I deserve this hangover.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
