My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
