We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
