You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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