Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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