I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
