thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
